Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
