hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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