but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
