Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
