if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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