Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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