my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
birth control should be required to get into college
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
