I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
