I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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