Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
