I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My ass is underappreciated
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
