Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
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My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
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YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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