i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
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Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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