it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
