Just fell off a train. Bad.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
