I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
