Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
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Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize