I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
