The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
