I'm eating all of the evidence.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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