I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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