just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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