I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
