I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
