so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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