my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
