i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
