He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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