Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
