those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
