Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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