and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
