If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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