Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we made out on top of his cat.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
