Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
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My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
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Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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