New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
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