I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
