i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
