Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
