11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
