that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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