Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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