Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
