"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
