I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I will be naked everywhere
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
