Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
