cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
