dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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