Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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