1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
