Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
