I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
