Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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