I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
