I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
