spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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