ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
