It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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