moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
