Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
