he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
