I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
