Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
