also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
