marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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